Daggum. I really hate being a girl in the most serious way. Because of the meds I'm on--cramps are aweful. Not to mention the fact that I've got a concert tonight that, because of this whome pnemonia charade, I'm not singing at but am required to attend and be a member of the audience. Should be rather interesting. I hope Coach is kind where my attendance has been concerned. I'm at least glad that he called me back. My plans for the day have changed now that I've got to be on the bus my 3:30. So I'm heading out to grab lunch, tan, and then come back here to shower and get ready to go!
Yesterday was a fun day. It was cold but sunny and my friends are tres cool. We watched Along Came Polly and Sky Captain at Sam and Tyler's [myself, Michael, Joel, David, Nicole, Laura, David, Josiah, Tyler, Sam, and Bobby]. I fell asleep for about five minutes in Tyler's bed while watching Along Came Polly and was rather tempted during Sky Captain. That movie would have been so much better if they'd...done something else with it. Blast!
Well...it's off for me at the moment, I've got oodles of nice things to do. At least I'm not missing out on anything since the guys all have a concert, too. I kind of wanted to go..but alas and alack I have to go to *mine*. Argh. Bah!
...when guys you went to HS with send you messages that end in "love you, bye." Uhm...wtf? Haha. It made me laugh.
i am freaking going to germany.
thought i'd remind you guys because
i am so excited.
What if life could be summed up in one action? What would it be?
I've never kissed anyone (Tina and Kat were shocked to find that out. It makes me laugh) so I can't relate to that particular sweet surrender. I can't imagine, right now, having the trust in someone to give myself over to them. Tina, Kat and I were talking about a wide range of things and it settled on the general (and often specific) topic of sex. Intimacy, in my perspective, speaks volumes where words are insufficient. For me to be comfortable with someone to the point of having sex with them would take a lot--to be that vulnerable and to be known so deeply and so fully as that--I'm not sure how I would ever live without that person. That's kind of what I detailed to them--how my perspectives go. As I've experienced and seen in friends (Tina included), my theory is correct. I have trouble with intimacy--not because I don't want it or need it in my life--but because I simply have issues trusting someone enough to trust them with a part of me that's secret--hidden from normal and even prying eyes.
Maybe I'm just a very private person. I'm starting to realize that a bit more.
"I don't think mere words can describe life. Actions do. Life defines itself. Sure, it's hard--but it's beautiful. Evert minute of it is so wildly different that I can't help but step back and think of how lucky I am to be capable of love. There is no lesser mindset. Life is tricky and fickle with it's beauty. I can do nothing but baske in it no matter how that brings me scorn. I welcome it."
I started a journal. Not of everyday events but just of things, ideas, and musings that pop into my head. I've started to write in it every night. It's strange the things I come up with..
"It's wonderful that so much of familiarity is set off by scent. Amazing that a person's smell can send waves of comfort through your body. That fact alone is enough to send me smiling foolishly and loving life like a child. Familiar. The word itself makes me long for home. --Not a house or a place on a map but, home. I haven't found it yet. I have a feeling that it will find me."
I need to raise $3500 in one month. Any ideas on how to do it?
An amazing opportunity kind of fell into my lap today. Professor Marler (Medeival History) is leading a group to Germany on a Holocaust tour. This is a dream of a trip for me, as I've been obsessed with the Holocaust since I was six years old. There's a meeting at 6pm about the trip and I intend to go (right after my voice lesson--which I should be leaving for soon) with a notepad and an eager heart. I ran to the mall and applied for roughly 8-10 jobs. Hopefully there's fundraising planned. The downside is that I will end up missing May tour. I'm perfectly fine with that and ancy about the opportunity to have such a wonderful experience. I'm thrilled. Be thrilled for me, please.
If you have any ideas or would like to help me out with funds--please comment. I'm in dire need of it because my parents won't let me pay for it out of my savings. *sigh* Please, please, please. If you need my address to send anything ($$$) my way--comment for it and I'll be sending it to your e-mail. It's for a good cause. I am going to Germany. Oh goodness, I'm so elated. Now I just need to brace myself to write a $500 check to reserve my spot.
Professor Marler is amazing. <33. Bah! Silly old man. He's got a real love and fire for history--like me. Why am I not a History major? *thinkthinkthink* Oh--I remember. Heehee.
A nicely sized and painful bruise is developing on my calf. By tomorrow, I suspect, it will be in it's full dark purple glory. *nodnod* Well--it looks like class is my destiny of the moment. I sealed the envelope with Dustin's goodbye letter and will most likely send it today along with Tier's b-day letter. I'm not really good at sending things. >< Haha. *collects change*
Adios, friends. To Medeival History I go!! w00t. That class is entertaining. o.O I accidentally stole Tyler's Five Iron Frenzy sweatshirt that he let me wear to Starbucks last night. ...oops. *skitter*
People are either a) wrecking all the cars in the dorm parking lot or b) having a horn-honking contest. What of QUIET HOURS? *giggles* Like I'm even observing them. I've been practicing one of the songs I want to sing for church/juries at a high volume for the past 20 minutes. Heh. Part of my upper calf (left calf, left side, upper side almost under my knee) is swollen and hurts like hell when I touch it or accidentally run into something (more often than you'd think). Gah! When my classes were done I went to hang out with Tyler and David at Tyler's cottage. I was lying on my stomach behind David's chair (facing the window) and reading Tyler and I's history homework for tomorrow. Throughout the 20 minutes before that moment, David had been leaning the chair back, making me think he was going to fall on me. I stopped paying attention after a while. He got bored. And so, absentmindedly leaning his chair back while his dwarf character rested from an hour of feirce beast-killing, the chair went from two legs to one. "Uh-oh." And that one leg landed on mine along with David's 170-ish lbs. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't scream, "Ow!" Man--it's *so* painful. Not to mention that before, at lunch, he hit me in the face with a newspaper. He also punched my butt after dinner. That hurt too. Gads--I am not a girl to him. *smirk* But..yes...so is the life. Yay college and maturity. *eyeroll* MHM.
Five of us went to Starbucks. Who called shotgun? ME! --the smallest (and shortest) of the five. *giggles* It was extremely entertaining to taunt them from my usual "DJ" position in the front seat. Michael is used to me hogging it. Hee. He doesn't even try to get it anymore. Poor guy. I think tomorrow I will take pictures of my friends. *nodnod*
So. I've been good lately. Lately means last night and today. Last night my computer was off before 10pm and I went to bed before 1am, waking up at 7:30am and being to class on time. I even went to FOCUS (the retarded class I'm re-taking this semester just to pass it)!!! Hmm. Went to math...*boring*...and hung out with friends. I was gone from my room from 9am to 9pm. Very cool *laughs* And all of my homework is done. Hoorah. Now I'm going to shut down, watch Garden State (again..) and then go to bed! w00t.
I'm rather proud of myself. By 10pm last night my computer was shut off and I was getting ready for bed. I finished my movie, wrote a little bit, and was in bed before 1am. I'm dead tired still--but waking up at 7:40am, taking a shower, and getting ready without the computer on has made sure that I am ready on time for class--that starts in 15 minutes. I definetly feel good. Drinking a mocha, just in case. I wrote Dustin a goodbye letter last night. If he's going to take another chance with Amanda--he needs to be free to make a whole effort instead of having to worry about slipping back in with me. He deserves at least to be given a clear shot, I believe. Anyway--that letter will be copied from the journal I started last night to paper and sent off tomorrow. I'm satisfied with my decision about this--even happy with it.
Church yesterday was absolutely fun. I enjoyed myself. Tiffany made me join a small group on Thursday nights with her so--I'm going to give that a shot too. *nod* I wonder what's in store for me.
Life, though it has it's kinks, is going well. I'm even happy with it's discrepencies. (if I've spelt that right--you know what I mean)